Loving Memories Part 2

The Funeral and Then…

We went home the next day, we’d had a few visitors, we were exhausted and relieved to be going home.

A arranged the funeral and registered Rachel’s Birth and Death.

6th April 1993

Rachel’s Funeral service was held at our church, two of the elders led the service of thanksgiving for her brief life and the truth that the Lord is faithful in all our circumstances. A, my husband produced the order of service. Some passages of Scripture which had been especially precious and a comfort to us were read,1 Corinthians 15, Mark 10 v14, 2 Samuel 12 v 23.

We sang four hymns, Be Still My Soul, Jesus The Very Thought Of Thee, O Happy Home where thou art loved the dearest and There’s a Friend For little Children. Afterwards we walked the few hundred yards to the cemetery for Rachel’s burial, which was the hardest part of the day .

Through this time our God upheld us and kept us , we were able to prove that He works all things for good.

Hard times followed, two friends had babies on Rachel’s due date in June. it’s one thing to know that our God does all things well in our heads and when things are going well , it’s not easy when trial after trial seem to be bearing down on us. I’ve been bitter, doubtful, fearful, questioning but thankful that the Lord’s everlasting arms hold me. I change, He does not, Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Time passes, I liken grief to looking at a painting, each step back the detail is less yet the painting is still there. The pain is eased as time passes but it does come to the surface at times. Special dates are poignant, if they’re forgotten you can feel guilty.

God has given us two more children , a boy and a girl ,we thank Him for them and pray they will know the Lord Jesus as their Saviour . We’ve always told them about their “little, big sister” Rachel and how if she’d lived she would likely have been severely disabled.

Things I have learnt

God deals with us as individuals.He sends trials for our good, our foolish pride finds this hard to accept, all too often we think we know better than the Lord . Our times are in God’s hands.

Some Christians seem to forget that human grief is painful- it really hurts and careless words can compound the sorrow. Some of the most sensitive, wise words come from unlikely sources. a dear friend wrote in a card that even though we cannot understand at the time or maybe ever , it is one of the “all thing” the Lord uses for good. The Lord may never show to us the “why” but it was one of His sovereign , wise purposes for us as a couple.

While I would never condone abortion, I do sympathise with those who are faced with the dilemma I faced, the decision is heart breaking. Pregnancy was not easy for doing the right thing. I wouldn’t have chosen the path the Lord chose for my husband and I. I’m not sure whether knowing in advance that there is a problem is a good or bad thing, you are “prepared” but that doesn’t make the experience any easier.

One thing I did find was that Rachel’s death was not as painful as I’d expected, whether that’s because I’d so dreaded her birth, I don’t know. I know that the Lord was with us in the trial and that He spared us from more sorrow than we could bear, He gives sufficient grace.

Psalm 22 speaks of the Lord Jesus’ sorrow and how He felt forsaken, He alone can bring true comfort in trials and grief, “He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” The Lord uses difficulties to make us more like Christ and so that we may come alongside others in a similar situation.

Jeremiah 29.11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Genesis 18.25 Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?

Thy way, not mine, O Lord,
However dark it be;
Lead me by Thine own hand,
Choose out the path for me.

Smooth let it be or rough,
It will be still the best;
Winding or straight, it leads
Right onward to Thy rest.

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not, if I might;
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I shall walk aright.

Take Thou my cup, and it
With joy or sorrow fill,
As best to Thee may seem;
Choose Thou my good and ill.

Choose Thou for me my friends,
My sickness or my health;
Choose Thou my cares for me
My poverty or wealth.

The kingdom that I seek
Is Thine: so let the way
That leads to it be Thine,
Else I must surely stray.

Not mine, not mine the choice
In things or great or small;
Be Thou my Guide, my Strength
My Wisdom, and my All.

Horatius Bonar

A plea from the heart,be wise when you see a couple without children,with a long time interval between one child and the next, with a small number of children, be careful what you say, don’t ask questions of others you wouldn’t ask the couple themselves, don’t make assumptions-you don’t know the family story.

Some books I’ve found helpful:

Safe In The Arms Of God By John Macarthur

Emily A Child In Heaven By Deborah Lycett

Horizons Of Hope By Brian Edwards

Behind Frowning Providence By John J Murray

Update 7th November 2007 Article from Desiring God